


Amy and Her Father

by Moonburns



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Episode: s04e07 Mr. Santiago, F/M, Parent/Child Incest, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-27
Updated: 2016-11-27
Packaged: 2018-09-02 15:59:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8673643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonburns/pseuds/Moonburns
Summary: What happened after Thanksgiving dinner.





	

“There's one thing I don't understand.”

“You just met everyone I work with and there's only one thing you don't understand?”

Amy and her father were sitting on the couch and enjoying the blissful quiet of Thanksgiving evening. 

“Good point,” Victor said. “I should have said, there is one salient and significant aspect of your life that I am failing to understand.”

“Which is?” Amy said.

“Why Jake?”

Amy frowned.

“I mean, it's your choice,” her father said. “You've made that perfectly clear. You seem to know what you're doing, and I don't want to interfere, but... why him?”

“Jake has qualities that you'll appreciate once you get to know him better,” Amy said.

“Does he? Because there were moments today when I was literally thinking, is this the dumbest man on the planet?”

“Yeeaaah, I can see that reaction.”

“But then, he seems to be a good detective,” he said. “Maybe even a great detective, with an agile mind, able to connect clues and crack cases. And yet, he's an idiot. Is he some kind of savant, is that it?”

“That would explain a lot, wouldn't it.”

“Jake is a mess, Amy. I don't understand why you want a person like that in your life.”

“Ah, this leads to a subject I wanted to discuss with you,” she said. She leaned over to an end table, opened a drawer and took out a clipboard. “It's little ahead of schedule but we should be fine.” She made a few marks with a pen and returned the clipboard to the drawer. “I've been experimenting with a psychological theory which states that introducing disorder into your life heightens your efficiency.”

“Oh yes, I believe I heard about that on All Things Considered.”

“So you're familiar with the idea, good. Well, I have to say, it totally works. It's amazing. Ever since I started seeing Jake my productivity has increased tenfold.”

“Tenfold? Really?”

“Absolutely,” she said. “So every moment with Jake, listening to every idiotic thing he says, spending time in his garbage heap of an apartment and watching his stupid movies and television shows, has been completely worth it.”

“Okay, now I understand,” he said. “You're seeing him to improve yourself.”

“But it's more than Jake,” she said. “Yes, having an erratic man-child for a boyfriend has sharpened my mind and let me perceive the inherent order of my surroundings, but I want to go farther. You see, the effect scales—the more chaos in my life, the more attuned I am to the processes around me. With every bizarre situation I find myself in, my power grows. Classifications, operations, designs—I can sense it all. I am at the threshold of pure methodicalness.”

“Are you saying you've had a glimpse of the eternal systematization?” he said. “Can it be? Are the legends true? Are you that close?”

“Yes. And I think I've found the perfect scenario to put me over the edge. Stay here, I want to show you something.”

Amy left the room. When she came back she was wearing a black see-through baby doll nightie, high heels, and nothing else.

“Amy!”

She said, “So I was thinking, what is the craziest situation I can put myself in? Something truly insane. An act so deranged that it has disaster written all over it. And then it came to me—sex with my father! Of course!”

“Amy, I don't...” he said, shaking his head. But his eyes went up and down her body.

“This is completely logical!” Amy said. “Incest is an absolute violation of the laws of nature and man, and it's exactly what I need to achieve peak productivity. And also, I need to be fucked. I mean, yeah, I have sex with Jake, and it's okay, sort of, but if I don't have crazy wild sex soon I'm going to explode. And it doesn't get crazier than this. But anyway, it will also maximize my organizational skills. I am so close! I am at the very brink of infinite efficiency! I just need one more push. So can you help me? Can we do this? If you love me you'll do this. Please?”

Her father was silent for a moment, and then he said, “Okay.”

“Okay! Wait, really?”

“If it's that important to you, how can I say no?”

“Yeah, totally important. For all the reasons I said. Are you really okay with this? Because, wow, this is pretty messed up.”

“Normally I would be opposed to having sex with my daughter, but the logic of your argument is flawless. Plus, you are smoking hot. Seriously, it's insane.”

“Thanks, Dad. Do you really think I'm hot?”

“Yes, always. Ever since you were a little girl.”

“Thank you!” she said, smiling sweetly. Then she furrowed her brow. “I think.”

“Well, should we get started?” her father said. He stood up and unbuckled his pants.

“Yeah, let's take a look at that daddy dick,” she said.

“Amy, that's not really appropriate.”

“Yeah, you're right, that was... oh my god!”

Her father had dropped his pants, showing his massive erection.

“Daaang,” Amy said. “Okay, I can see you're ready. And I'm ready. Where should we do this?”

“How about here on the dining room table?”

“Great! Uncomfortable and kind of gross, perfect.”

She hopped onto the edge of the table and spread her legs. Her father positioned himself before her.

“Focus on the system of the universe,” he said.

“I will,” she said, nodding.

He thrust himself inside her.

“Holy shit!” she said.

Amy clung to her father as he pumped away.

“Oh god, you're so hot,” he said. “So fucking hot.”

“You're so big!” she said. “Jake is tiny. So tiny.”

“Don't think about Jake. Think about proficiency. Think about orderliness.”

“No, I have to think about Jake. Imagine that he's watching us. They're all watching us. Everybody knows! Oh god, my life is ruined!”

“What are you...”

“I'm enhancing the mood,” Amy said. “Don't stop. This was a huge mistake! Dad, it feels so good. We shouldn't be doing this! Oh god, yes! Fuck me! Fuck me! This is the worst day of my life!”

“Are you...”

Amy arched her back and gasped loudly, her face staring straight at the ceiling. “Oh my god, I see it all! Charts, schedules, databases! Paperwork!! The universe is made of paperwork!!!”

Hitchcock and Scully walked into the apartment. “Hey Amy, I think we left our underwear in your bathroom...” They spotted Amy and her father. “Whhaaaaaaat?”

“I will fucking disembowel you assholes!” Amy screamed.


End file.
